Title: A Queen’s Comeuppance.
Summary: As punishment for Regina’s crimes, she is temporarily stuck in an alternate universe, where the players of Storybrooke are all cast as members of the Spice Girls.
Notes: At Ru’s request. Just a bit of fun - short and sweet and highly, highly cynical. Spoof city, here we come!
“D’you wanna be in my gang?”
Regina’s glance to the side was oppressive and grumpy. Mary Margaret was pretty sure she didn’t smile once. That was her identity within the group; frowny face, snappy responses.
“Fine, suit yourself…” Mary Margaret replied, turning back to the other girls with a shrug of her shoulders, “Personally, I’m quite enjoying all of this.”
“I’m in hell.” Regina commented, her eyes flitting up and scanning around the studio, her feet up on the desk in front of her, one crossed over the other, her arms crossed with equal defiance, “My own personal… hell.”
“Well if you think you’re the only one who can imprison their enemy in an alternate universe…” Emma perked up, with a satisfied curl in her tongue, “Then you’ve been sorely mistaken, haven’t you?”
“The difference between you and I, Baby, is that your magics have far more limitations than mine.” Regina retorted through gritted teeth, “This prison is blissfully, blissfully temporary.”
“It’s still gonna last past the concert tonight.” Ruby chimed in, grinning wolfishly.
Regina groaned and rolled her head backwards, closing her eyes.
“So let me get this straight.” Archie grumbled confusedly, stepping out from behind the screen with a totter in his step (caused by the heels he’d squeezed into), his eyes transfixed on how unforgiving these sodding tights were, “Regina is Posh Spice because she’s a face like a sourpuss, Emma is Baby Spice because she is the prodigal baby, Ruby is Scary Spice because she’s a crazy wolf demon – uhh uhh, no offence—”
“None taken.” Ruby dismissed with a wave.
“You, Mary Margaret, are Sporty Spice because you’ve a history of being physically competitive, a hunter etc and I…”
He sighed, as though in shame.
“You’re Ginger Spice because you’re the only ginger we know.” Ruby finished, “And you look spectacular in the tights.”
“Yes, are these really necessary?” He asked, pushing his glasses up.
“Yes!” the three other girls retorted at once, and Archie sighed once more.
“C’mon Arch, chin up!” Mary encouraged, “What’s wrong, eh…?”
Archie paused. “I’ll tell you what I want.”
“What you really, really want?” Emma interrupted, provoking chuckles from the rest of the group.
Archie and Regina shared a look.
“I have to say, I expected more satisfaction from… torturing she who tortured us…”
“But all you’ve achieved is a fabulous drag alter-ego?” Regina offered.
“Shall we sing about our feelings?” Ruby offered cynically. Regina scoffed.
“The Spice Girls don’t sing about feelings! Or emotions! It’s all gibberish and cliché. You won’t lure any bluebirds or woodland creatures with that crap, Snow.”
“I hate you.” Mary Margaret said immediately, with the sincerity of any fangirl who’s idols have been dissed.
“I think we’ve established I hate you more.” Regina replied curtly.
“Rest assured Regina, I’m with Mother on this one.” Emma murmered.
“GIRLS!” Ruby blurted, snapping to her feet, her hands out in protest, “You are ALL harshing my 90s girlband fantasy!”
She tried to maintain this for a few moments, before smirking one of Red’s smirks and rolling her eyes. “Whatever. I’m gonna go get some ice cream or rum or steak or something; I only came to see Archie in the union flag dress anyway…”
The door swung open unexpectedly, and there, much to Regina’s dismay, stood the most brilliant choice for band manager. Gold strode in, his cane echoing off the holographic studio flooring, a hot young Brunette assistant hot on his heels.
“Ladies…” He greeted them, outstretching his arms to the side, flashing them a wolfish grin which exposed his back gold teeth with wealthy intimidation. He always controlled Regina, in whatever universe she should find herself. He always won. “Ready to go?”